Last Request
by redCat76
Summary: The End. Sorry Rizzles fans this isn't Jane and Maura happily ever-after. It's not that I don't want that; I always wanted the show to follow the logical progression of Jane's and Maura's relationship from friends to lovers, but that's not what happened. This was my way of dealing with the direction the show took.


It's Maura's last night out. We all took her to the Robber to send her off with the usual honors. She's my best-friend and much more than that. Of course after all these years working together, our mutual attraction was bound to come up in conversation. I admitted my love to Maura many times. I told her I loved her long ago. I told her long before she acknowledged she was attracted to me. It was easy to tell Maura I loved her. She is so smart, funny, and kind. She took my mother in for Christ's sake. How could someone not love Maura? But she didn't love me from the beginning; at least that's what she told me. She told me that I was confused. She told me that she didn't feel the same way. Even though we slept together that first night I stayed at her home when Hoyt was hunting me down. And by slept together, I do mean more than "slept" together. After Dean left and she came back into the guest room, I couldn't help but notice how close she laid next to me. How her arm was firmly touching my arm. How her hard nipples were easily seen though that silk blouse. How she had no excuse for laying down next. When I asked her "Are we having a sleep-over or is this your way of telling me your attracted to me"; she just laughed; I knew that was a warning sign. I should have known then that she was only interested in sex. That she was using me from the beginning.

Unfortunately, I held on to her for too long. I held onto her years after the sex had grown more complicated. I held onto her hoping that the next time she would tell me she loved me. I held on long after the events we attended ended with her leaving with a different man every time. I held on hoping that Maura would admit that she loved me more than any of her one-night-stands.

Actually, if I am honest, most of what I have told you isn't true. I was an ass. I always try to be sincere, but let's face it. I am a 42 year-old, trapped in the body of a teen-age guy. I never talked to Maura honestly, and I am sure that she knew it. After sex, she would often lie in my arms and say "Jane, kiss me hard before you go." She never asked me to stay. I left every time. Yes, I professed my love to her, but only because that's what I thought she wanted to hear.

After my surgery and before I suggested we spend time at a writer's conference in the Adirondack's, we slept together for the last time. Maura didn't want to, but I begged her. I made a very strong emotional appeal. I told her that I realized that I was bound to live my life alone. I told her that I wanted just one more time to hold her and feel closer to her. I reminded her of the old times when we slept together every night and let everyone believe that she had a gentleman caller, and that I was interested in Casey or Dean or whatever guy came into my life that would be a believable love interest. We told ourselves that this was to protect my mother, especially after the divorce and then to keep our coworkers from knowing I am gay. The truth was that we just couldn't admit the truth to ourselves. Actually the truth was that I couldn't face the truth. Maura had always tried to get me to commit to her. She always told me she appreciated me, that she would always be there for me. I was a coward. I am a coward. If I had only been half as courageous as Maura, I would have admitted to her that I wanted only her. That she was my island. That she was my everything.

Instead I ended up begging her to let me fuck her one last time. I had to brush it off as a one last time thing. I would never bother her again. Never show up at her house again. Let her have her last night at the Boston Police Department. This was just a part of her last night. Her last night with detective, Jane Rizzoli. I said "just remember it's just you and me, Maura. Just old Jane Rizzoli, your detective in shining armor and you Maura, the chief medical examiner of Massachusetts. I was willing to fall on my own sword that night. It didn't matter what I said to get Maura to lay down beside me. I felt like a prisoner with one last request. So none of it mattered, except that I got her to spend that last night beside me.


End file.
